The First Sign You Have a Problem

eHow states that the first step in identifying someone who is an alcoholic is this:
• Neglect of social activities
• Lack of interest in sports and other recreational activities
• Impaired performance at school or on the job
• Exhibiting hang-over symptoms such as constant headaches and dry mouth
• Nausea
• Excessive Sweating
• Shakiness
• Anxiety
• Deteriorating relationships with friends and family

I'm approaching this food issue as one who has abdicated her control and power. I have given my control and power over to food. It's so stupid, but it's true. Food occupies my every thought. Let's look at this first step. I neglect social activities i.e. swimming with the kids or anyone for that matter. I hate being in a bathing suit right now. It's only one, but it's a social activity. I can't say that I'm not interested in sports, but I do believe that I would perform better if food wasn't such an issue. As for the impaired performance on the job, I'm not going to give that one any credence. Hang over symptoms...I do swear occasionally that I will never eat that much again. Nausea, sweating, no, no. Shakiness, yes when I go too long without food, but I think everyone gets that symptom. Anxiety.....OH YEAH! What am I going to eat today? How much will I gain as a result? I shouldn't have this, but I'm so tired of depriving myself...awww forget it, I'm done dieting. Insert food into mouth. Uggg. Deteriorating relationships, not yet. So I don't have all the classic symptoms of the first step, but you have to admit, I've got some of them. What does that mean?

Tough Night

Last night I sat on the couch with my husband and tried to blame him for my struggle with weight gain. Almost instantly, I knew I was wrong. I let him know I knew I was wrong and began and stream of consciousness that I didn't know was inside of me. I have gained and lost weight more than a dozen times. I've tried most of the diets I can think of that were sensible. I have to admit, I don't want to try to lose weight again. I don't want to try because I know I'll lose it and I know I'll gain it back. I have been at my goal weight and I still wasn't happy. I still wanted to lose 10 more pounds. I don't feel the need to lose weight to feel more attractive to my husband, I know he loves me regardless of my body. I don't want to lose weight to be more popular, I know people see beyond any weight I have and into the person I truly am. Honestly, I don't feel the need to lose weight. And yet, I still want to. It's frustrating. So, if I'm going to keep trying to lose weight I need to figure out how I'm going to keep it off. I need to figure out what this cycle is and how to stop it.

My name is Angie and I love food.

I just read a post by my pastor and I'm finally inspired to do the unthinkable...blog about my weight loss journey.
I must first begin by saying, my name is Angie and I love food. I hope to find an answer to the life long struggle I have had with weight and food and maybe help someone who's going through the same types of struggles.