It Wasn't My Fault

I'm laughing....seriously. I'm laughing. I've been on a weight loss journey this year, and it has felt like all I've accomplished is getting into the car. I've gotten nowhere on my journey. If you've been following this blog, you know I've been completely frustrated. I've nearly given up. Well, I'm not the kind of gal to blame weight gain on anything, other than birth control pills. Don't even get me started on those things. So, I've been willing to accept the fact that I've gained 30 plus pounds and I have only myself to blame. Apparently it's not normal to gain that much weight in a year, given my lifestyle. I do martial arts training with a class 4 times a week. I train at home as well. This includes jump rope, jumping jacks, the occasional round of laps, kick, punches, sit ups, push ups and leg lifts. I watch my portions, I eat relatively healthy. I've always said I could do better. Well, turns out, it's not all my fault. I've got a bum thyroid. Yeah..who knew. And said bum thyroid is causing diabetes. Go figure. So not only am I gaining weight, I'm getting unhealthy in the process. Good news is, I'm on meds to help my bum thyroid get back to work and the theory is, once i get my thyroid back in shape, the diabetes will diminish. I have to laugh because every time I hear a commercial saying "It's not your fault that you're gaining weight" I usually yell at the radio....YES IT IS.... and apparently....the jokes on me.

I HATE MYSELF!

I kinda figured that might get your attention. I've been wrestling with my weight for 20 years. Does anyone else think that's a little crazy? Yeah, me too. But two weeks ago, the battle finally ended. I learned something about myself. I hate my body. Not for the reason you would imagine, but I did hate my body. It betrayed me. This won't make sense and if you really need it to make sense, ask me about it and I'll share the story with you. But it betrayed me and for 20 years I have been hating my body. Depriving it, overworking it, disregarding it, and just wishing it away. The realization has brought a renewed sense of courage. My husband, bless his wisdom and insight, pointed out to me that God created my body, and that He created it to work the way that it works. Long story incredibly short...I've forgiven my body and we are now friends again. It's amazing how much I have learned from it now that we are on speaking terms again.

So, I lost 50 pounds on the weight watchers program after my girl was born. I kept the weight off for five years. I've gained half of it back and have been able to hold at the current weight. We don't have the finances to do the whole process, but I still have the materials so I'll work the program. If you can do weight watchers it's a good program. The focus is on keeping track of what you eat and how much you eat. Portion control is a huge factor.

~ Track What You Are Consuming on a Daily Basis For a Week
I took a week to keep track of what I ate. I didn't change anything I ate during that week.
I wanted to find out how many points I was eating, since I am maintaining my weight with the current point consumption. This will be important once I reach my goal weight.

~ Take a Tally of What You Ate - Points, Calories, Fat Intake...etc.
Weight watchers uses a point system and so I referred to that. I also use this website. After the week was over, I sat down and totaled all of the point values that I consumed. The points usually were around 40 so I cut that back to 30. I'm smaller so this may be different for everyone. Do what you feel is necessary. If you don't do points, you can track whatever you usually track.

~ Eat the Points I Allotted for Myself
I found out that many days I'm not eating enough. I do martial arts four times a week and had also been walking everyday. I wasn't consuming enough food and my body began to collect food and store it. I stopped the walking and continued to eat the allotted points. I lost 3 pounds this week. I'm also saw my need to continually snack diminish. But it's important to to eat the allotted points.

I'm starting week 2 of this experiment. I'll keep you posted.

Coming To Terms

I have come to terms with my physique. I am a muscular gal and there is nothing to be done about it. So, as soon as I started exercising I began gaining muscle. I'm not losing weight at all, but I am developing muscle. I have muscle in places I didn't even know I had muscle. My legs will always be a bit bigger due to the muscle mass. My arms will develop muscle and will never be thin. So, I'm going to move forward with this knowledge and quit trying to get the body of a small framed person. I am not a small framed woman, I am a muscular framed woman. I'm okay with it now.
I have been exercising for the past two months and have made it a habit to walk for 20 minutes a day. I can now walk a mile in those 20 minutes. I can walk uphill for 12 of those minutes. I'd like to be able to walk the whole 20 minutes uphill and I believe I will reach that goal in two months. After that I'd like to increase my speed. I also do martial arts 4 times a week for an hour each day. I'd like to be able to jump rope for 5 minutes without stopping, right now I can do 1 minute. I'd like to be able to 100 push-ups. Right now I can do 15. I'd like to be able to do 100 crunches and leg lifts. Right now I can do 20 each. These goals may seem random, but as I approach my black belt status I will need to be able to do these things every day as a requirement. I'll get physically pushed to my limits during my black belt test and would like to be able to go through my test without passing out. I will keep on working towards these goals and let you know how I am progressing.
My pastor reminded me of something, you must change your habits in order to maintain your progress (I'm paraphrasing). I lost 70 lbs, and have gained some of it back. But I never really changed my exercising. I changed my eating, but not my physical exertion. I have now and my body is responding. I may not get to my goal weight with all this muscle, but I will get to my black belt test and not die.

Now That I'm Sane Again

Hi. My name is Angie & I'm a foodaholic. Now that I'm sane again i'm ready to get back up and keep moving on. I'm 34, I can do 1 hour of intense martial arts workouts, on top of 20 minutes of uphill walking, and I feel strong even though I may not feel skinny>

I Quit!

Uggggg! This is one of those weeks where I ask myself, what's the point? I'm exericisng, watching what I eat and I'm gaining weight. WHAT?! I'm on the verge of quitting, but the stubborn side of me won't do it. It's frustrating to me that something as trivial as my weight can get to me. Maybe that's the real lesson here. It would be easier if I didn't know it could be done. I've lost 70lbs. before so I know I can lose weight. I don't know, I'm venting today and I'm sure in an hour I'll be at it again, but right now...I quit.

Trading Pride for Gluttony? No Thanks

I'm a little frustrated. I've been walking four times a week, martial arts four times a week, and trying to eat a better selection of food for a month now....And I'm stuck. This is where I quit and give into the food. This is where I resign myself to the weight. "It's not that bad being a little heavy. I'm not really that heavy anyway. Who wants to try to be so disciplined all the time, it's not good to be so strict and structured." While there is some truth to these comments, I cannot swallow them as easily as I could those chocolate chips that are calling to me from the fridge. They are excuses for me to give up and not press on towards my goal. I was listening to Mark Driscoll this morning, on the treadmill, and he spoke on the heart. Many times we try to change undesirable behavior with behavior modification, he called it. The problem with this approach, he observed, is that you don't ever really make the change that is necessary. You must examine the heart to get to the "heart of the matter" so to speak. So, as I chatted with my hubby after the walk I confessed...I don't want to lose weight! I have been at my near goal before, and I realize that all I did was trade gluttony for pride. Pride is my achilles heel of sins. I can fight gluttony better than I can fight pride. I would rather wrestle with food than myself. So what do I do? I've looked into my heart and I DO NOT LIKE what I have found there. Now what?

It Just Happens

It's frustrating to watch TV and listen to the ads about weight loss that claim, "It just happens!" regarding weight loss. It doesn't just happen. If it did, we would all do it. We would all get on the program that helps weight loss just happen. As I've climbed back on the wagon of weight loss I find I have to change the way I think about food. I have to change the way I think about physical activity. I have to change the way I think about myself. As I am doing all of these things, the weight loss is happening. I am doing quite a bit of work, and it is happening, slowly. I've lost weight fast, only to gain it back again. I've lost weight slowly, without exercise, only to find I still possessed quite a bit of fat and little muscle mass. You can lose weight and sometimes you can do it fast, but what is the quality of your body once you are done? I'm not sure why I went on that rampage, but I'm done now. I'm still a foodaholic, but I'm working on nearly 1 month of food sobriety. I have not used food to medicate myself. I have not used food to fill an empty place in my heart. It has been a good month. I feel healthy even though I'm only 4lbs. lighter.