Coming To Terms

I have come to terms with my physique. I am a muscular gal and there is nothing to be done about it. So, as soon as I started exercising I began gaining muscle. I'm not losing weight at all, but I am developing muscle. I have muscle in places I didn't even know I had muscle. My legs will always be a bit bigger due to the muscle mass. My arms will develop muscle and will never be thin. So, I'm going to move forward with this knowledge and quit trying to get the body of a small framed person. I am not a small framed woman, I am a muscular framed woman. I'm okay with it now.
I have been exercising for the past two months and have made it a habit to walk for 20 minutes a day. I can now walk a mile in those 20 minutes. I can walk uphill for 12 of those minutes. I'd like to be able to walk the whole 20 minutes uphill and I believe I will reach that goal in two months. After that I'd like to increase my speed. I also do martial arts 4 times a week for an hour each day. I'd like to be able to jump rope for 5 minutes without stopping, right now I can do 1 minute. I'd like to be able to 100 push-ups. Right now I can do 15. I'd like to be able to do 100 crunches and leg lifts. Right now I can do 20 each. These goals may seem random, but as I approach my black belt status I will need to be able to do these things every day as a requirement. I'll get physically pushed to my limits during my black belt test and would like to be able to go through my test without passing out. I will keep on working towards these goals and let you know how I am progressing.
My pastor reminded me of something, you must change your habits in order to maintain your progress (I'm paraphrasing). I lost 70 lbs, and have gained some of it back. But I never really changed my exercising. I changed my eating, but not my physical exertion. I have now and my body is responding. I may not get to my goal weight with all this muscle, but I will get to my black belt test and not die.

Now That I'm Sane Again

Hi. My name is Angie & I'm a foodaholic. Now that I'm sane again i'm ready to get back up and keep moving on. I'm 34, I can do 1 hour of intense martial arts workouts, on top of 20 minutes of uphill walking, and I feel strong even though I may not feel skinny>

I Quit!

Uggggg! This is one of those weeks where I ask myself, what's the point? I'm exericisng, watching what I eat and I'm gaining weight. WHAT?! I'm on the verge of quitting, but the stubborn side of me won't do it. It's frustrating to me that something as trivial as my weight can get to me. Maybe that's the real lesson here. It would be easier if I didn't know it could be done. I've lost 70lbs. before so I know I can lose weight. I don't know, I'm venting today and I'm sure in an hour I'll be at it again, but right now...I quit.

Trading Pride for Gluttony? No Thanks

I'm a little frustrated. I've been walking four times a week, martial arts four times a week, and trying to eat a better selection of food for a month now....And I'm stuck. This is where I quit and give into the food. This is where I resign myself to the weight. "It's not that bad being a little heavy. I'm not really that heavy anyway. Who wants to try to be so disciplined all the time, it's not good to be so strict and structured." While there is some truth to these comments, I cannot swallow them as easily as I could those chocolate chips that are calling to me from the fridge. They are excuses for me to give up and not press on towards my goal. I was listening to Mark Driscoll this morning, on the treadmill, and he spoke on the heart. Many times we try to change undesirable behavior with behavior modification, he called it. The problem with this approach, he observed, is that you don't ever really make the change that is necessary. You must examine the heart to get to the "heart of the matter" so to speak. So, as I chatted with my hubby after the walk I confessed...I don't want to lose weight! I have been at my near goal before, and I realize that all I did was trade gluttony for pride. Pride is my achilles heel of sins. I can fight gluttony better than I can fight pride. I would rather wrestle with food than myself. So what do I do? I've looked into my heart and I DO NOT LIKE what I have found there. Now what?